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Joke of the Day

"I don't usually talk to strangers but when I do its because I'm at the zoo and someone called a tortoise a turtle."

"The Statue of Liberty's torch sure is good at surviving apocalypses."

"I always keep a picture of my wife and children in my wallet. It reminds me why there's no money in there."

"What did the yogi have for breakfast? an lette"

"Of course most gay men dress well... they spent more than enough time in the closet!"

"What do you call an ape that's both extremely frugal and fearful? A cheap pansy"

"[Crime scene] Detective: the victim was high af when he died.. you could say it was *takes off sunglasses* D: blunt force trauma"

"Searching for stuff on the internet when you're drunk is called Beer Googles."

"Nice try horror movies, but everyone in my generation is already terrified to answer their phones"

"Interviewer: It says here you're skilled at saying unexpected things? Me: Yes, I am. Interviewer: Hmm, I thought you were going to say something unexpec-- oh, you're good."