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Joke of the Day

"SCIENCE: If you have another person posing with you in your twitter avatar, 100% of the time you're the uglier one."

"If a threesome is having sex with three people, and a twosome is having sex with two people... I'm handsome."

"I now feel I've watched enough reruns of The Shawshank Redemption on basic cable that I'll be able to successfully make it in prison."

"Donald Trump said that all the Mexicans he meets love him... they are always telling him he is a cool arrow."

"If someone is a vegan, does crossfit, and has a rescue dog.... which one do they tell you about first?"

"""If you love something, set it free..."" Unless it's a man... Cause he'll get lost... And you know he won't ask for directions..."

"Did you hear about that kid that had sex with his teacher? Yeah, he recently died from hi-fiving."

"What do marriage and hurricanes have in common? They both start with a lot of sucking and blowing, and in the end you lose your fucking house! thanks @Canadianmomma"

"Didja hear about the coke dealer who retired? He didn't want to put his business in other peoples' noses anymore."

"I used to drink beer in my underwear but now I use a glass."