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Joke of the Day

"I had unprotected phone sex once... Now I have hearing aids."

"Why did the female warrior prefer the armor smith over the weapon smith? The weapon smith was a bit rapier"

"Someone stole my pencil sharpener and now I can't stab people anymore."

"It's not a great nap, unless you wake up and can't remember what day it is."

"SCIENCE: If you have another person posing with you in your twitter avatar, 100% of the time you're the uglier one."

"I had a normal childhood My mom only jerked me off once when I broke my arm, no more than that!"

"Does anyone have a recipe for sausage and apples? I asked my girlfriend what she wanted tonight and she said she could use a wiener in cider."

"My wife's favorite position is the one where I lie very still wearing nothing but a toe tag and she starts dating again."

"SON: Daddy, where do tweets come from? DAD: Well, son...when a Desire for Validation and a Character Limit love each other very, very much."

"Why didn't the two worms get on Noah's Ark in an apple ? Because everyone had to go on in pairs !"