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Joke of the Day

"Today is the anniversary of the discovery of Uranus! Hershel was actually looking for the clitoris but found Uranus instead."

"Sometimes I wonder ""Why is that frisbee getting bigger?"" Then it hits me."

"In the 1945-6 Nuremberg Trials what should have been the opening statement from the defence counsel representing the Nazi War criminals? 'If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.'"

"My last girlfriend ate a like a bird She literally banged her head repeatedly onto the table to eat"

"A feminist once asked me: ""What's your view on lesbians?"" I responded: ""1080p."""

"My mom once forgot her meds and tried to drown me in the bathtub. That made for a really weird 27th Birthday."

"Democrats let their kids open all the gifts on Christmas Eve. Republicans make their kids wait until Christmas morning."

"If a farmer raises wheat in dry weather what does he raise in wet weather? An umbrella."

"Wanna hear a joke? Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the gay's man house knock knock you: who's there? the chicken."

"Man reading a book: hot Man with a baby: hot Man reading a book to a baby: hold me back my ovaries have exploded."