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Joke of the Day

"All my exes are engaged, married, and/or have kids. I'm single. As far as I'm concerned, I've won."

"Boss: Everyone is behind schedule and making excuses. Does everybody here think I'm an idiot Me: Don't ask. They swore me to secrecy."

"Do let me know if you're ever unhappy with any of my Tweets. I will block you immediately. Anything to stop you being sad. You're welcome :)"

"25 pumpkins only 90's kids could spice"

"Wanna hear me read a receipt from a trip to the grocery store? That's how interested I am in listening to the details of your workout."

"They opened a Tempura Shelter in my town It's for lightly battered women"

"A blonde is driving in her car and turns on the radio.. It says that two Brazilian men were killed. She stats crying and says, ""How many is a brazilian?"""

"What's the difference between a hockey player and a hippy chick? A hockey player showers after 3 periods."

"How do trees get on the Internet? They log in."

"Why can't you ever trust an atom? Because they make up everything"