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Joke of the Day

"(Macbeth and lady Macbeth) ""I killed King Duncan"" Macbeth wtf!! ""You told me to!!"" I didn't think you'd do it omg lmao savage"

"Let's call Trump the ""Second Place President."" He'll love that."

"In Pokemon, I never understood why bug types were supereffective against dark types. But then I thought about malaria in Africa and it all made sense."

"This is just a quick reminder that we're all gonna die one day so don't get caught up in petty shit also stop stealing my tweets Greg."

"Why was the janitor late? He overswept"

"What's the difference between a hooker and an onion? I don't cry when I'm cutting up the hooker"

"Did you hear about the man who died at the spaghetti factory? He's with the angel hair now."

"What's everyone's least favorite dish? Cunt Pao Chicken!"

"People find one band-aid and suddenly no one wants anymore of my homemade salsa."

"[on phone to gf] her: ""you never understand me anymore so.."" me: ""so what?"" her: ""we're breaking up"" me: ""i can hear you fine"""