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Joke of the Day

"What's the worse quality of a hermit crab? They're too shell-fish!"

"How does Hillary Clinton clean her glasses? By deleting the mainframe."

"People that whip their seats back on airplanes are almost certainly terrible lovers."

"I'm surprised the back of soy milk cartons don't have missing hipster children."

"[2 cavemen] Look what me discover! This game changer! *grabs it* ""This hot! Burn fingers. What you call it?"" *takes back mixtape* FIRE!"

"I ordered a brand-new sandwich maker online. Her name is Svetlana."

"Women don't like bass players, apparently... Whenever I say I like thick G-strings they allways walk away, I don't know why."

"How do you get a nun pregnant? You fuck her!"

"What is the new LGBT flavor enhancer for cunnilingus? (wait for it ... wait for it ...) creme brulee"

"15 out of 12 beers agree I can't do math when I'm drunk."