11474

Joke of the Day

"If Philae finds an inhabitant on the comet what would be its first words? I'm a Comedian ^((because people from Mars are Martians)^) ^^And. ^^I'll ^^show ^^myself ^^out"

"What do you call fireworks that don't work? Fireunemployed."

"What's the difference between a cockroach and the Japanese? A nuke won't kill a cockroach"

"I wondered how the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me."

"Alcohol increases the Send Button size by 89%."

"My mom once called me at 3am to tell me some long lost relative died and hung up on me when I asked if they'd still be dead at 8am."

"I just paid $4,000 to have a skywriter write ""Actually, Vanessa, YOU'RE the one who's being 'dramatic'."""

"Relationships nowadays: First month, I love you baby! Second month, we are forever! Third month, Single."

"The thief who stole my calendar... Got 12 months."

"Eating cheese right off the block then realizing you've eaten too much so you eat a bunch of chips makes it like nachos, right? Hey, fellas"