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Joke of the Day

"Woman: Ever since my mom passed, I think she's watching over me Mom's Ghost: Yeah, that is the kind of stupid thing you'd believe"

"Making midget jokes is mean and belittling. *belittling*"

"A man tried to sell me a coffin today. I said, ""That's the last thing I need."""

"What's white and covers the road in the early morning? Employed people."

"What's the difference between a hormone and an enzyme? You can't hear an enzyme"

"It's the first day of Autumn so let's make like Humpty Dumpty!! And have a great Fall!"

"every time i read ROFL I hear scooby doo trying to say waffle"

"Q: Why don't cannibals eat pantomimes? A: Because a mime is a terrible thing to baste."

"Bath time without my phone: 10 minutes Bath time with my phone: 45 minutes 75 retweets 1 wrinkly baby"

"Life is like toilet paper You're either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole."