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Joke of the Day

"Read the tweet above this one and then the tweet below it. People paid FORTY-FIVE DOLLARS PER SHARE FOR THIS."

"A rock flying through the hemisphere is called an Asteroid. A lump on your ass is called a Hemorrhoid...... If you think of it,Shouldn't it be the other way around?"

"It is always the wrong time of month."

"""The rules are quite simple, Mr Bond: I think of a word, you guess letters in that word. If you guess wrong I draw a picture a man hanging."""

"If that was me in the movie Taken, my dad would have missed the call and emailed me 3 days later asking if I have a job yet"

"Denied membership in an exclusive country club because he was an actor biblical epic star Victor Mature is reported to have said ""Hell I'm no actor and I've got thirty movies to prove it!"""

"The other day, my friend told me I didn't know what ""irony"" meant... Which was ironic, because I didn't."

"Oh you're a foodie? You like food? Wow you are very unique. Personally I'm a foodie but I'm also a breathie. Love to breathe."

"A coworker just asked me if I was voted most likely to take a joke literally by my high school yearbook committee... That wasn't even a real superlative. I swear, this guy..."

"*Chooses paper towels instead of the hand dryer right as a tree walks into the bathroom*"