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Joke of the Day

"What foods are still good the second or third time you've eaten them? I'm looking for food for my human centipede..."

"Kim Khardasian and Kanye West named their children North West and Saint West. But to prove I'm a worse parent... I plan on naming my children...Kim Khardashian and Kanye West"

"I just want someone to like me. Not you. I meant someone pretty."

"I'm taking the soul train to Funky Town with my boogie shoes on, and the dish ran away with the goddamn spoon. This is really good weed."

"Why are the undead so angry all the time? They have mummy issues."

"Stop letting your dogs piss on fire hydrants. Some of us use those for parkour."

"Buying a car from Hertz is like marrying a Prostitute It may look good on the outside, but you have no idea whose been in it or what they've done to it."

"What's a French egg's favourite airforce? L'oueftwaffe."

"My GPS sighs and rolls its eyes every time it says ""Recalculating""."

"Coworker: What would be your ideal- Me: Sleeping CW: But you didn't let me finish my- M: My answer is always sleeping."