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Joke of the Day

"If this whole twitter thing doesn't work out, we can all get jobs writing for a company that makes mildly disturbing fortune cookies."

"Why is it a bad idea to wear tiny shorts on a Ukranian holiday? Chernobyl fallout."

"""Where'd my boomerang go?"" Under there ""Under where?"" Hahaha I just made you say ""underwear"" *boomerang hits me in the back of the head*"

"What do you call a cold hotdog? A cold-dog"

"You should never criticize a Muslim... until you've walked a mile in their suicide vest."

"How do you make a plumber cry? You kill his family."

"My neighbor started mowing his yard at 6am so I opened all my windows and vacuumed because I don't understand how revenge works."

"So sex workers ever post anything that's nsfw?"

"I'm living on the edge. I haven't backed up in weeks"

"Damn, baby got back. And front. And sides. Baby three-dimensional. This is a real baby."