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Joke of the Day

"The 16yo tells me he's been revising all day. His browser history suggests he's got his YouTube exam in the morning."

"What do Coors Light and sex on the beach have in common? They're both fucking close to water. (credit goes to my dad for this one...)"

"Remember before you give the finger from the safety of your car, not everyone has a schedule to keep"

"The Wizard of Oz is the ultimate chick flick... It's two chicks fighting over a pair of shoes."

"What did Captain Kirk do when his girlfriend told him she had a defecation fetish? William Shat-on-her"

"How many plug-in air fresheners does it take to mask the decay of human flesh? I'm asking for for a friend."

"Doctor Doctor I think I need glasses You certainly do Sir this is a fish and chip shop!"

"Ever hear about the box that was coming down with something? It was coffin"

"[on way to play charades with gf's family] I don't wanna go why I don't wanna look silly you won't *first thing I have to act out is pasta*"

"I stole a stripper's kid. It was like taking baby from a Candi."