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Joke of the Day

"Last night a hypnotist convinced me I was a soft, malleable metal with an atomic number of 82... ...I'm easily lead"

"how to you get a one armed blonde out of a tree? you wave at her."

"What emotion does a tree feel every spring? Relief"

"Her: I can't believe you slept with her! Me: WE WERE ON A BREAK! Her: I just went to the store to buy bread! Me: Longest six minutes ever"

"What's the difference between a Zippo and a hippo? One's a quite heavy, and the other's a little lighter."

"How many nazi's does it take to screw in a lightbulb?? Nein"

"I wrote a best-selling book titled ""How tostick a lamp up your ass"". AMA! Except for how to get to the lamp out of your ass."

"My technique with women is, I sneak up behind them and scream obscenities in their ear when they turn round I'm wearing a nice sweater and holding a kitten. I call it Shock and Awwww!'"

"Having someone sing you to sleep is so comforting. Until you realize you live alone."

"Someone is selling a rot iron table on Craigslist ..wonder If they would trade for a dictionary"