71057

Joke of the Day

"My technique with women is, I sneak up behind them and scream obscenities in their ear when they turn round I'm wearing a nice sweater and holding a kitten. I call it Shock and Awwww!'"

"My brother just fed my 10 m.o. nephew a whole bowl guacamole before dropping him off with me. Now I've gotta change the diaper. What a dip shit."

"Baby, let's configure our hard drives in master and slave position."

"I consider myself to be a bodybuilder Granted nobody else does but I do"

"Love how they call info pamphlets ""literature."" Like the opening line is gunna be, ""It was the best of HPV, it was the worst of HPV."""

"Policeman: Why were you driving around in circles and laughing? Motorist: I thought I was on a merry-go-round."

"Ghosts wear sheets because nobody's scared of sleeping bags."

"My boyfriend broke up with me today He said he wanted to celebrate Independence day"

"There is a mile long line of cars stopped ahead, but go ahead and honk at the guy in front of you. It might help."

"How do you make holy water? You just boil the hell out of it!"