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Joke of the Day

"A mushroom walks into a bar... and the bartender says ""We don't serve your kind here."" and the mushroom says - ""Why not? I'm a fungi."

"(NSFW) My first experience with sex was a lot like getting my first car I didn't really want it but my dad gave it to me anyway"

"Sometimes you have to make a stand. Not there though. You're blocking the TV."

"'Behooves' seems like a word only a fancy talking horse would use. -me, at 3:42am"

"According to museum portraits, everyone in the 18th century looked like a giant chubby baby."

"Q: What do you do with a green monster? A: Wait until it ripens."

"Girlfriend: Will you love me when I'm old and fat and ugly? Boyfriend: Of course I do !"

"What gets longer when pulled... Fits between breasts, inserts neatly in a hole and works best when jerked? -- -- A seatbelt!"

"What does a German say at a Dude Ranch? AUDI."

"If I wake up early, it's only because there are a lot of things I want to eat that day."