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Joke of the Day

"If a 4-year-old says, ""I'm scared there's a monster living under my bed"" Don't reply, ""Oh, that's where he's been hiding."" I know that now."

"Housekeeper >I am a wonderful housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house."

"Why do mermaids wear seashells? Because they can't fit into D-Shells."

"Why did the Space Marine shoot the Tailor? The heretic kept crossing the warp"

"After learning about the Oedipus Complex... ..it was a parent who I was attracted to. *Edit apparent to a parent. This joke is terrible written. Sorry."

"SOMEONE LEFT THEIR DOGS IN THE CAR WITH THE WINDOWS ROLLED UP -Ma'am, that's a pack of Ballpark All-Beef Franks. ITS 500 DEGREES IN THERE"

"My grandma was so poor she only left me recipes for pasta dishes in her will, you could say she was my.. *golf swings* Pennefactor."

"Wanna go to Copenhagen? Amsterdam sure"

"Order 66 ... If the citizens of Star Wars used Base 66 Numbers, Palpatine would have said: > Execute the Order of Magnitude!"

"Nervous systems are so reckless They do everything on *impulse*"