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Joke of the Day

"What do you call an Englishman with no butt? An assless chap."

"I woke up hungover but couldn't make myself throw up. So I guess I have a lotta shit to deal with today."

"Some people are so poor, all they have is money."

"Why are you laughing? My dentist just pulled one of my teeth out. I don't see much to laugh about in that. But it was the wrong one!"

"Friday, Friday, all gonna die next Friday. Everybody's gettin' ready for the world's end. Gotta make My mind up: Which souls should I take?"

"I'm such a hipster... I'm such a hipster that I won't listen to the Beatles until they're all dead. That way I can say I was a fan when they were underground."

"My girlfriend always asks me to text her when I get in... That's how small my cock really is."

"What is French Super Mario's favorite board game? Le Ouija"

"it's weird how Americans say ""soccer"" instead of ""football"" and my dad says ""I wish you were dead"" rather than ""i love you"""

"A few weeks ago my barber cut my hair too short. I didn't like how it looked at all, but now it's growing on me."