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Joke of the Day

"Words can't describe how beautiful someone is... But numbers can. 4/10"

"As far as I'm concerned, anyone who suggests I should have a third child is committing a hate crime."

"Never trust a Parasol... I hear they can be shady."

"Bad Day Q- How do you know when a blonde is having a bad day? A- She has a tampon behind her ear, and she can't find her pencil."

"Trying 2 improve my self image, so I placed a note on my mirror that reads ""objects are smaller than they appear."""

"I'm thinking of opening a pre-owned clock store... I'm gonna call it 'Second Hand'."

"What's the difference between onions and your mother-in-law? You don't cry when chopping your mother-in-law."

"What my girlfriend thought, first 4 dates : 1. Nice shirt 2. Wow, a second nice shirt. 3. Okay, first shirt again. 4. He has two shirts."

"Did you hear about the vampire in Camelot? He was a bite of the Round Table!"

"Someone left a flyer on my windshield asking me to envision heaven, so I pictured a world where no one leaves flyers on my windshield."