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Joke of the Day

"As far as I'm concerned, anyone who suggests I should have a third child is committing a hate crime."

"Try to eat 70,000 small meals a day to keep your metabolism on its toes."

"I told one of my coworkers who happens to be Mexican that he better hope Trump doesn't become president... Or else he'll be hiding out in his attic like Anne Frank."

"Get AIDS from a toilet seat A patient says, Doctor, can I get AIDS from a toilet seat? The doctor replies, Yes, but only by sitting down before the last guy gets up."

"It's important to distinguish between a seal and a sealion. A sealion is just like a seal, but it's either gained or lost electrons."

"I went to the Middle East with some marijuana... ... and I got stoned! ###AMIRITE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!^imsosorry"

"Day 2 It's been two days since I've been on reddit, hopefully i have the strength to..... GOD DAMNIT!"

"After 30 years of shopping, my wife still has nothing to wear."

"What do you get if you cross a dog with a frog ? A dog that can lick you from the other side of the road!"