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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between onions and your mother-in-law? You don't cry when chopping your mother-in-law."

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"What is worse then sweat on Olivia Newton John? Come on Eileen"
"Martin Shkreli's life"
"A short facts list 1) 50% of facts are made up 2) I made up the first fact"
"Of course my days are numbered.. That's how calendars work."
"Nine out of ten doctors suggest you drink water instead of soda. The one that doesn't lives in Flint, Michigan."