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Joke of the Day

"What did the optimist say to his doctor when he found out he had lung cancer? ""Well, I'll deal with this asbestos I can!"""

"I am a staunch traditionalist. I believe that texts should only be sent from phones. Soon ppl will text from kitchen device. makes me sick"

"What's the best side of the house to build a deck on? The outside"

"""Did you hire a wedding photographer?"" Sure did! *a dog with a gopro strapped to its head runs by*"

"They say, ""the grass is greener on the other side..."" That's why Pablo, my landscaper, imports my marijuana."

"What did Blake Edwards say when asked if he had a roomate? Yes, I have a rhuuuum, mate!"

"Where do you buy a Walrus? WalMart!"

"I usually turn down the volume on my car radio when searching for an address, as if the house will shout out to me as I approach."

"What's the reverse of a blindfold A burka"

"""Can I have more of these mouse spears?"" ""Sir those are toothpicks"" ""I need 1000 for my army. We march at dawn"""