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Joke of the Day

"I am a staunch traditionalist. I believe that texts should only be sent from phones. Soon ppl will text from kitchen device. makes me sick"

"Interviewer asked me why I'd make a good waiter? Me: You could say I...bring a lot to the table."

"How do Ghosts get Drunk? Booze."

"this is stick *dog wags tail* this is branch. its made of sticks *tail wags faster* this is tree. it makes sticks *dog helicopters into sky*"

"Honest slogan Benadryl- ""Because you can't have the sniffles while in a sleep coma"""

"How do Rabbis make money? They keep the tips."

"You just know I knew my girlfriend was furious when I blew my load early last night....I could see it in her eyes"

"""should i go into the arts?"" ""can you imagine yourself doing anything else?"" ""no"" ""then i wouldn't go into the arts, with no imagination"""

"If the Narwhal bacons at midnight, what does it do at noon? It bakes off."

"you don't need to thank everyone on facebook for your birthday messages, they were not sincere."