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Joke of the Day

"I lost all my Pokemon cards in a fire I only have Ash now"

"""I think we should touch other people's faces"" - blind break up"

"It doesn't matter what you order at Taco bell... You're going to end up with Taco-ria"

"Whats the difference between a cow and 9/11? Americans can't milk a cow for 14 years"

"Asked my Ouija board if I was getting laid tonight. The pointer keeps gliding back and forth between the H and the A. It's been over an hour."

"A joke about procrastination. Eh, I'll write it later."

"Whats 12 inches long and drives women crazy? [NSFW] A still born..."

"Me: *hyperventilating* 911? BEES! ... EVERYWHERE! ... SEND...HELP! ""Sir we don't ..."" Me: OMG! DON'T YOU HAVE A SWAT TEAM FOR THIS?"

"If you're a person who indulges in recreational marijuana use, my daughter was born last Friday at 4:21pm. Sorry I couldn't push faster."

"gonna give my zombie friend several different brains for his deathday. Took a while to get the shopping done. Finally got some presents of mind."