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Joke of the Day

"Too much of my life is spent trying to think of something to write on people's FB walls for their birthday other than ""Happy Birthday!"""

"Why should a woman President never masturbate? Reports that she has her finger on The Button would cause panic."

"ME: You're saying I'm not smart enough for this job? BOSS: Well, yes. ME: [points to computer] Just because I can't use the typewriter TV?"

"""Naps ain't shit!"" -Comas"

"What's the holiest, French color? Sacred blue!"

"Trans-Jenner? Has that joke been made yet?"

"Two unconnected vertices? That's where I draw the line."

"I see your ""long walks on the beach"" and I raise you ""long Segway rides on beach"" *peels off on beach throwing sand in dates face*"

"A priest, a pedophile and a rapist walk into a bar... He orders a drink."

"I've decided to start my own herb garden. I've got a lot of extra Thyme."