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Joke of the Day

"What did people call Putin after he lost an arm? Amputin"

"What rating did Moody's give to the sheep? BAAA"

"I didn't know you could get paid for donating sperm. When I think of all the money I've let slip through my fingers..."

"What did the baker say to the dough before he put it in the oven? ""You are no longer kneaded."""

"I like vegans! I meant vagina's!"

"Heads, you give me your phone number, tails you go on a date with me. *flips coin into ceiling fan, it's knocked out a window into the sea*"

"What do you call a programmer's testicles? A hackysack."

"I got a cat the other day. I had to swerve, but I got it."

"Me and my girlfriend bought a copy of the Kama Sutra to spice up our love life... ... I just can't seem to fit it inside her. Shouldn't have gotten the hardcover version I guess."

"[US] Mexican Submarine Destroyed in the Gulf of Mexico Oops wrong sub"