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Joke of the Day

"I bet all this shit started because someone told Trump he couldn't be president and Trump said ""hold my beer, watch this"""

"Boss: HR wants to see you Me: What for? Boss: Mandatory drug test Me: Oh man, I really can't do any more drugs after the weekend I had"

"""I propose a toast"" ""I propose a bagel."" ""Ya bagel, much better."""

"Q: What what can you make from baked beans and onions? A: Tear gas."

"Sheryl Sandberg's husband died while exercising on a treadmill. He was trying to get his Lean In."

"Hell hath no fury like a woman who just said ""seriously?"" after a comment you made during an argument."

"(Standing next to pool with a golf club and horse) Friends: Are you sure you've played water polo before?"

"PETER PIPER: honey i picked another peck of pickled peppers WIFE: [motioning to pantry already full of peppers] peter literally what the fu"

"What does IDK mean? I've yet to find someone who knows."

"I can't find a reason to vote for the (D) or (R) candidate for President, and now Libertarian Gary Johnson's campaign slogan, 'Feel the Johnson' just rubs me the wrong way."