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Joke of the Day

"After my wife died, I haven't been able to look at other women for 10 years... But now that I'm out of prison I can honestly say that it was worth it."

"I figured why people make the same noises when they are carrying something and having sex They are both carrying a load."

"Jesus wrote a play about a tornado. It was an Act of God."

"What happened to the clock that was still hungry? It went back 4 seconds."

"The Bartender says, we don't serve time-travelers here! A time traveler walks into a bar."

"What bit of fish doesn't make sense ? The piece of cod that passeth all understanding !"

"Twitter is working worse than a dollar store pregnancy test."

"I have a friend who everyone knows is gay but he won't admit it. He'll swallow everything but his pride."

"If you love someone: 1. Set them free 2. Drunk dial them 3. Read too much into their FB posts 4. Make them feel sorry for you 5. Die alone"

"I can tell when two words go together well to define a new thing. I call it portmantuition."