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Joke of the Day

"*at casino* When he hands you $100 and asks you to go get chips, do not ask him Doritos or Lays. Get both. It will leave him speechless."

"Mc'Donalds in hurricanes No wonder McDonalds places are still open during hurricane sandy. None off their customers can blow away anyways"

"Illegal immigrants do jobs that Americans don't want. Like marrying Donald Trump."

"I've adjusted my insults to be more pc Instead of calling people gay, I call them straight."

"If cartoons are a reliable guide, the secret to never ageing is wearing the same clothes every day."

"I'm not saying it's hard for me to lose weight, I'm just saying if you interrupt me when I'm eating I'm starting over."

"His ex saw me and said, ""I guess beauty is in the eye of the beholder""... I said, ""Guess so, but I Be Holdin' his hand!!!"""

"I like my girls like I like my coffee... Fresh, not matured, and sold from a shady part of South America."

"Why will no one watch the Olympic games this year only old men will be competing"

"I wish people would reserve ""awesome"" for truly awe-inspiring things like the grand canyon, moon landing, and this ranch dressing omg"