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Joke of the Day

"A guy was admitted to the emergency ward with half a dozen toy horses stuck up his ass. His condition was listed as ""stable""."

"Remember when Taco Bell's slogan was ""run for the border""? Doesn't that seem really racist now... that would be like KFC's slogan being ""go back to Africa"""

"There isn't anything that keeps you awake at night like a case of the what ifs."

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather... Unlike the passengers in his car who were screaming and yelling! http://www.thedailyenglishshow.com/friday-joke/98-how-to-die/"

"I recently wrote a book about poltergeists.... They're flying off the shelves!!! (Credit goes to jimmy Carr on that one)"

"What did the right pussy lip tell the left pussy lip? We used to be tight"

"Height Q: What is the height of honesty? A: A pregnant lady takes one and a half ticket in the bus Q: What is the height of dishonesty? A: She gives birth to twins"

"Have you heard that new Ethiopian kids rap group? Skin & Bone Thugs-N-Harmony"

"There was a bad accident involving a funeral procession the other day. It was terrible! The toll was four injured, one dead."

"Mr whippy was found dead today with a flake up his ass, chocolate sprinkles on his penis and strawberry sauce on his bollocks. Police think he topped himself."