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Joke of the Day

"Being illiterate and having a girlfriend would be easy. They'd be like ""did you get my text?"" and you could just be like ""I can't read."""

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"Jimmy Savile was once captured by the Scooby-Doo gang He would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for meddlin' those kids!"
"My grandmother died and left me a tomato. I shouldn't have asked for any heirlooms."
"I gave my Chinese mate some sweets yesterday... He said, oh these are Haribo! Well if you don't like them, don't eat them then."
"If you're ever in a room where a doll should happen to come to life it would be prudent to leave that room"
"Chuck Norris won an award today Kanye West sat politely in his seat."
"""I have 29 seconds left to live... Please let me just hear our song before I die"" Anything you want! *googles song* *30 second ad plays* NOO"
"What do you call a mexican baptism? Bean dip."
"Husband: Call ambulance, Fast! I am Having a Heart Attack... Wife: ( Took his mobile): ""Quick!! Tell me the Password!!"" Husband: It's Okay, I am feeling better now!! :D :D"
"I'll be signing books at the library tomorrow from 2-4pm (or until that librarian calls the cops again). Come on out!"