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Joke of the Day

"If I drank as little alcohol as I tell my doctor I'd weigh as little as I tell the people at the DMV when I renew my driver's license."

"Why couldn't the tampon twins get dates? They were both stuck up cunts!"

"What is the difference between a chickpea and a lentil? I didn't pay 50 bucks to have a lentil on my face last night."

"Whats the difference between a nun and a whore in a bathtub? One has a soul full of hope..."

"What do snowmen wear on their heads ? Ice caps !"

"I'm going to stand outside, so if anyone asks I am outstanding."

"How to capture an elephant step 1 dig a hole. step 2 fill the hole with ash. step 3 surround it with peas. step 4 when the elephant comes to take a pea, you kick it in the ash hole!"

"Q: How can you tell if it was a shared computer used by many staffers? A: There is writing on the White-out."

"What OS does an atheist run on their computer? Fedora. [For Linux n00bs](https://getfedora.org/)"

"If it helps, a lot of the awful ones are either married or gay, too."