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Joke of the Day

"You said I could have my way with you. If you didn't want me to experiment with gas and fire, you should've been more specific."

"What do you give a sick snake ? Asp-rin !"

"Why is it that lawyers get sick? It's because they are *contract*ually obligated to do so."

"Since Thanksgiving is tomorrow How do you keep a turkey in suspense?"

"Headlice are now resistant to the usual medical treatments.... The problem has scientists scratching their heads."

"Dasher, dancer, prancer, and vixen. The four stages of Bruce Jenner."

"How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb? I don't know I keep throwing them it just doesn't change."

"How do you get Holy Water? You put water in a pot and boil the HELL out of it."

"My girlfriend wants a chest freezer for Christmas... I said ""Why? It's cold as tits outside already!"""

"You could sell the cure for Ebola to Gamestop and they'd still only give you $4.99 for it"