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Joke of the Day

"You matter Unless you multiply yourself by the speed of light squared. Then you energy."

"Police are saying that they're looking for a black man in his early twenties... And that they always will be."

"There are 10 types of people in this world. Those who can count binary, and those who can't."

"Which state is actually a tiny soft drink? mini-soda."

"[in Paris] Will you have sex with me? ""No monsieur."" Okay, like, I don't speak French. BLINK ONCE FOR NO AND TWICE FOR YES."

"Alcohol is a perfect solvent. It dissolves marriages, families and careers."

"Guys are like bears, if you lay very still they'll paw at you a bit then give up and go look for food."

"What do Kim Jong-un and a penis shaped potato have in common? One is a dictator, the other is a dick-tater."

"9000 people are having sex right now, 2000 are kissing, 100 are geting head and you are reading my status. Hang in there mate"

"Just bought the extended version of The Hobbit. Bilbo is 7' 6"" now."