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Joke of the Day

"Wife: every time we argue, you think you're right.... Me: yes, if I thought you were right, we"

"Apple recently changed the gun emoji into a water pistol emoji... Meanwhile Microsoft has just changed their toy blaster emoji into a real gun shots fired i guess"

" What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear? Data transfer. "

"I'm so sorry my pet rock attacked you. Its just he really hates arrogant douche bags. Thank god he only hit your face."

"HELLO automatic flushing toilet!! I appreciate the enthusiasm but I really wasn't finished"

"What did the Chinese guy say to his wife after her botched plastic surgery? Honey, why the wrong face?"

"Did you hear about the incest convention? Every mother-fucker was there!"

"Rick. Rick is a total lover of Pixar movies. He will lend you any title except for one. He is never gonna give you Up."

"Just dropped part of a cookie into my printer, so I hit ""copy"" *hope"

"What did the upset horse use to row his boat? A saddle."