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Joke of the Day

"Wife: We don't have anything planned today... Me: Cool! Wife: ...so I was thinking we should... Me: (dammit)"

"Why did the maniacal chemist drop a rancher into his latest concoction? Because the rancher was a cattlist."

"Dear women who just gave birth, Stop naming your child 'Khalessi'. Sincerely, The rest of the human race"

"There was time in the old west A dog with three legs walks into a saloon, he slams open the doors, looks around at the startled patrons and asks, ""Anyone seen my PAW?"""

"Did you know you can use voice-to-text on Twitter so this tweet came from my mouth and also stop staring at me people on this bus."

"if u went back in time to kill hitler, itd be easier to kil pre-war hitler but then all the germans woud b like ""yo why did u kill that kid"""

"Why did Thor file a police report? Because someone stole his thunder."

"What did Hitler say when he rose to power? Give me all Germany. (Ger-money) Yeah I'm sorry. On my way out."

"Your mama's so ugly people discriminate against her for it and she has no legal recourse."

"The Vatican just deleted all the Pope's tweets. Because NO ONE denies reality like the Catholic Church."