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Joke of the Day

"My coworker and I have the same job title with the same number of years experience. He was pissed when he found out my salary was only a fraction his. Turns out that fraction is 2/1"

"How's your day been? Grape!"

"They say you will eat around 23 spiders in your life, but really you can eat as many as you want. Treat yourself, you deserve it."

"What do you call a scientific measuring instrument with degrees? A graduated cylinder. -------------------------------------------------------------------- This is the only joke I've ever thought of."

"If at first I don't succeed, I've already met my wife's expectations."

"Might I integrate your curves tonight?"

"My friend's WoW character couldn't go forward anymore. You'll never guess what he said !? "" wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww"""

"What does an aardvark use when he has a cold? An ant-ihistamine!"

"A pelican just flew away with my sandwich. Rigged! The media!"

"What travels down an alley and has holes in it? A bowling ball. Or Bruce Wayne's parents."