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Joke of the Day

"My Shakespeare brings all the boys to the yard And they're like We're gonna kick your ass fancy boy"

"What they say: Want a bite of my sandwich? What I hear: How much of this sandwich can you fit in your mouth?"

"i was doing yard work today when i stopped to tell a pile of leaves how cold fusion works. needless to say they were blown away."

"Calm down white moms on dish detergent commercials, no wife is EVER that excited about dishes. Ever."

"Did you hear the news about half-life 3 Me neither"

"There was a Mexican boy born with two dicks. He named the first one Jose. What did he name the second one? Hose B"

"Next week I have an MRI scheduled to find out whether or not I have claustrophobia."

"God said to Peter ""Come forth and receive eternal life."" But Peter came fifth and had to eat the biscuit."

"Where can you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him."

"People were so scared of those vicious clowns a few months back, then they accidentally put one in office"