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Joke of the Day

"[god, creating chickens] Put a red beard on a fat hiccuping sparrow. Give him a matching hat, I don't care"

"A programmers wife tells him to buy groceries She says buy bread, and if there are eggs get a dozen. He came home with twelve loaves of bread"

"A wife went with her husband to his doctors appointment... Doctor: I'm gonna need a urine and stool sample. Wife (to husband): Just give him your underwear honey!!!"

"Umm, when someone posts that they're having a bad day, I don't think it's proper Facebook etiquette to ""like"" their status."

"What did the egg say to the boiling water? I don't know if I can get hard I just got laid this morning!"

"Why did god invent patchouli? So blind people can hate hippies too."

"In the trailer for the fourth Transformers movie a guy says ""what the hell is that"" when a Transformer approaches. THE FOURTH MOVIE."

"""I'm caught in a love hexagon."" - polygamists"

"What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back when you throw it? a dead cat"

"Two kittens are on a slanted roof, which one slides off first? The one with the least mew."