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Joke of the Day

"I know the secret to leaving a casino with a small fortune Walk in with a big fortune. Happy new year"

"A nation that looks at a quivering tower of gray Arby's meat product and thinks ""this is healthy"" cuz there's no bun is capable of anything."

"What do you call a rooster drawing sh*t? Cock-A-Doodle-Doo"

"For those with kids who love Frozen..... Knock Knock. Whose there? You. You who? You Who, big summer blowout! (Norwegian accent)"

"I hate it when they tell you that they accept cards but refuse to accept my seven of spades"

"1st Date Me: Just warning you. I get freaky. Her: Oh yeah? How freaky.? Me:*thinking of using pizza rolls as a pizza topping* So freaky."

"I asked Roy Hodgson if he would consider 4-4-2 next week. He said, ""No, we'll probably go 7-4-7 it's wider and offers more leg room."""

"Jesus wasn't a very good carpenter... I mean... He couldn't remove three nails to save his life."

"Anyone else call their farts ""Smelly Wind Monsters?"" Cuz if Jew don't Jew should and if you Jew than take this shower. It's a gas! Also, butt trumpet."

"ME, HOLDING A MIC TO MY DOG'S MOUTH: who's a good boy DOG: your mom ME: please take this seriously"