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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the suspect who's alibi was that he was at a restaurant? Well the restaurant Carraba-rated his story."

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"I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out. What a waste of thyme."
"What do you get if you cross Doc Brown and Jay-Z? 1.21 JiggaWhats"
"What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down? It gets toad away"
"[High school reunion] Hey guys! Remember me!? ""No"" How about now? *puts an entire toilet on my head* (in unison) CHRIS!"
"I would make a fitness joke But it just wouldn't work out.."
"Criminal Tip: Buy a gun from a guy off the streets. As soon as he sells it to you, point it at him & get your $$ back. Free gun."
"me: what's ur favorite thing on the menu waiter: oh definitely the salmon me: oh yes ok i'll have the *orders something that is not salmon*"
"Have you ever had Ethiopian food? Neither have they"
"Just remember, you're unique. Just like everyone else."