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Joke of the Day

"""I'm THIRSTY!"" ""Can I have a drink?"" ""DAAAAAAAAD!"" ""I WANT WAAAAAAAAAAAAATER!"" See? My son can turn water into whine, too. Your move, God."

"I asked my boss for a raise and full-benefits package. But before I knew it, she was going down on me."

"With Turkey shooting down that Russian plane.. I guess Putin will be cooking Turkey for thanksgiving.."

"What my father said to my prospective college roommate the first time they met... Do you know how to tell if you roommate is gay?? His cock tastes like shit!!"

"This chick I met last week says she wants a guy who is funny and spontaneous', yet when I tap on the kitchen window uninvited late at night dressed as a clown it's all panic and screaming."

"Why did the psychic get fired? Because she didn't see it coming."

"The Earth and the Moon get in an argument The Moon tried to be the bigger body and walk away, but the Earth grabbed it and said ""I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation. """

"[Dirty] Why do men like golf so much? It makes it possible for them to go from hole to hole with an iron in their hands."

"I'm not really a social drinker. I'd say most of my drinking is work related."

"What do a Mexican and a cue ball have in common? the harder you hit 'em the more english you get"