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Joke of the Day

"My friend is a telemarketer. Sometimes, when he's relaxing, I'll call him out of the blue and piss him off."

"What's a pirate's worst nightmare? A sunken chest with no booty."

"We've secretly replaced Janet's coffee with melatonin capsules. Let's see if okay yeah, she noticed. She looks pissed. Sleepy, but pissed..."

"Why did the lettuce get arrested? ...for disturbing the peas!"

"I called the rape advice hotline.... .... but they said it was only for victims"

"How do you draw an Overwatch character? You Tracer."

"Naughty Boy Teacher said the students to convert the sentence ""I killed a person"" into future tense. Suddenly one of the boys stands up and said, Sir the future tense is ""u will go to jail""!"

"17: If I was gay would you still love me? Me: Of course. 17: If I committed crimes? Me: Yes. 17: If I voted for Trump- Me: Dead to me."

"The biggest lie in advertising is someone taking a bite of a hard shell taco & it not immediately exploding in their hands."

"What is a 6.9? A really great thing ruined by a period."