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Joke of the Day

"Hide a metal rake in your leaf pile to keep the neighborhood kids from messing it up."

"What do you call someone without any shins? Toeknee."

"[1st Date] Brain: Be cool, gurl Him: Hi, I'm Ja- Me: Toilet paper should be called crapkins Him: Netflix: So... Just you and me again, eh?"

"So there we were, 2 vs 100. We prepared our attack and started off strong... Killed 'em both."

"Did you hear the one about the gang that's throwing eggs at people and kicking their asses? No Yolks but that enough about the Beaters"

"You can tell how single I am by the way my cat and dog wear their sombreros with quiet dignity and acceptance."

"Just signed up for free HBO, but the terms and conditions were so steep I think I also agreed to carry Steve Buscemi's baby."

"Sometimes I just want to slap the stupid out of people, but I'm worried it'd take up my entire day"

"How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from."

"A duck walked into a bar... And was quickly escorted out as no animals were allowed in the bar."