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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I just want to slap the stupid out of people, but I'm worried it'd take up my entire day"

"Be sure to empty your pockets before doing your laundry You could get in trouble for money laundering."

"What's a penguins favorite relative? His Aunt Artica!"

"Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego."

"What did the orphan get for Christmas? Nothing. Because he's Jewish."

"Why did I break up with my vegan girlfriend? She refused to swallow animal by-products."

"There should be a sequel song about needing a ride back from Funkytown."

"My mate asked me why I had sex noises saved on my iPod... I said, ""It's for sound effects during sex"". He asked, ""Ah, is the wife a bit quiet in the bedroom?"" ""No,"" I replied, ""I work in a morgue."""

"Will I ever be a good parent? *shakes baby* Wait a minute, if you're here [cut to Magic 8-Ball in crib]"

"And the Lord said unto John.. ""Come forth and receive eternal life."" But John came fifth and won a toaster."