111890

Joke of the Day

"Ban land mines now! It's time to put our foot down."

"I sing like Sinatra and have the brain of Einstein. I think that's why girls call me Frankenstein."

"Most people can't drink coffee then go to sleep. I'm just the opposite. . . I can't go to sleep and then drink coffee. God, that was stupid."

"Well I finally solved my drinking problem, I joined Alcoholics Anonymous Yeah I still drink, I just use a different name, that's all (Courtesy of Rodney Dangerfield on The Johnny Carson Show)"

"What do you call a person who speaks three languages Trilingual What do you call a person who speaks 2 languages Bilingual What do you call a person who speaks 1 language American"

"[NSFW] I met a girl called Michelle at a bar... Her: Hi, I am Michelle Me: I am Donaldson, but people sometimes call me Dick. Her: How do you get Dick from Donaldson? Me: You ask nicely."

"I'm God's gift to women if he stopped at a gas station last minute."

"My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records Then the librarian told me to take it out."

"I am a perfect role model... ...for someone who takes ""how much can you fuck up your life?"" As an actual challenge."

"I get it, you have a philosophy degree, but I just want you to make my latte, not wax poetic about life, okay Baristotle? Extra foam please."