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Joke of the Day

"Is it wrong to hate a certain race? I don't mind doing a 5k but my running group is thinking of joining a 10k and I really don't like them."

"When you don't even acknowledge I held a door open for you, I want to pull you back inside by your neck, and say ""now let's try this again."""

"I don't mind getting the stink-eye when I say, ""Happy Whatever Holiday You're Weirdly Touchy About,"" because THAT is the spirit of Whatever."

"Yo mama so ugly when she walks down the street in September people say ""Wow is it Halloween already?"""

"Why should you use six hooks on your fishing line? eFISHancy!"

"Yo mumma so fat.. Yo mumma so fat that she needs two wristwatches, one on each hand because she's in two timezones. NOTE: I'm Australian so I spell the word mum with an 'u'"

"I don't know why people still want to become veterinarians... ...they all end up homeless."

"What's another term for anal bleaching? Changing your ring tone."

"""In case of emergency break glass"" Who do you think I am? Some sort of karate expert? I can't even open a Cheetos bag."

"This Facebook is my serious account. The funny one is my bank account."