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Joke of the Day

"How do I like my eggs? Unfertilized, thanks."

"Why did Nixon never drive on the highway? Because he always took the low road."

"I went to the garden centre today and bought a Christmas Tree. The assistant asked me, ""Will you be putting that up yourself?"" I replied, ""No, you sick fuck. I'll be putting it up in my living room."""

"Xerox and Wurlitzer are going to merge... They're going to market reproductive organs."

"The most Canadian thing I ever heard was a secondhand story about a guy getting his toe bit off by a beaver but not telling his date."

"A lot of you are calling me ""mom"" lately. Is it cause I'm old? Or cause you respect me? I hope for your sake it's cause I'm old."

"What does the Russian President enjoy having on his fries? Putine..."

"What's the difference between your job and a dead hooker? Your job still sucks"

"Why do Little People hate the taste of alcohol? Because they can't reach the top shelf."

"Who does a hypocrite really hate? A hypocrite!"