111626

Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I zone out and forget what I'm supposed to be doing, and then I remember and take a drink of my beer."

"The word Diputseromneve' may look ridiculous... But backwards it's even more stupid."

"*In church 9: [Whispers] Why do we have to keep sitting & standing and sitting & standing... Me: [Whispers] So we don't fall asleep 9: oh"

"Whenever one door closes, another opens. ..perhaps the one who built the house didn't do a good job."

"[on plane] Me: It's ok, more ppl are killed by hippos than by plane crashes Pilot: This is your captain speaking, I'm a hippo btw Me: Nooooo"

"I hate when my tattoo guy asks if he can take pics for his website and then I wake up the next day realising I don't have any tattoos."

"If you mix taco bell sauce into your ramen.. It tastes exactly like poverty."

"What can you sit on, sleep on, and brush your teeth with? A chair, a bed, and a toothbrush."

"I put my underwear on like anyone else. Backwards, two legs in one hole, falling down then decide it's easier to go without."

"Text your friends but leave voicemails for your enemies."