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Joke of the Day

"If you mix taco bell sauce into your ramen.. It tastes exactly like poverty."

"I hate the beginning and I hate the end So that's why I became a midwife."

"According to tinder, every guy is at a lake holding a fish & every girl is on top of a mountain & that's why it's so tragically hard to meet"

"Buying a new phone is basically being forced into a not so fun game of ""how long can I go without dropping it."" Same thing with babies."

"If I wanted a president, who had never touched a vagina... ...I would've voted Jeb!"

"What's a vampire's favorite drink? A Bloody Mary."

"Failed another job interview today. Apparently taking part in an orgy isn't proof that you can effectively work as part of a team"

"How many Jihadists does it take to change a light bulb? Allah them. (I googled several varations and thus far I believe I am the originator)"

"Having an elliptical in my living room has improved my health. Moving it out of the way when I lay down to watch TV burns like 25 calories"

"Whats the best place to drive to in Iowa? The Middle. That way, you're always driving out of Iowa."